FINLAND have confirmed that when it comes to football the Nordic country is ‘Finnished’, maintaining that the shame of losing to Ireland twice means they no longer deserve to play the beautiful game.
“Have you seen Ireland, they play like a mad scientist switched their hands with their feet, They kick the ball like it is the first day of u-7s training. We are drenched in the shaming, drowning in it,” Finland manager Markku Kanerva explained.
The domestic leagues abolished, contracts revoked and the legs of professionals who insist on carrying on at club level broken by ice hockey sticks, such is embarrassing nature of losing to Ireland the Finns have hit the ‘nuclear option’ when it comes giving up football altogether.
“We lost to a team that is more negative than a thousand mother-in-laws at a wedding dress fitting after downing a bottle of vodka,” a disconsolate Finnish FA chief said as he doused the football pitches surrounding the offices in petrol before setting them alight.
Elsewhere, the Ireland win which shockingly didn’t result in the nation ascending to the no.1 spot in the FIFA rankings has nevertheless made an impression on the world.
“I have the same nightmare every night, Caoimhin Kelleher saving my penalty in the 2026 World Cup final,” remarked a haunted looking Lionel Messi.
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