Jack Nicholson can stand on his balcony if he wants. You don't need ...

Film

Jack Nicholson is trending this morning after he was “caught” standing on his own balcony. The best thing we can do is ignore it.

Hollywood icon (and owner of the cheekiest smile in the world) Jack Nicholson is trending this morning, after a bizarre and frankly disgraceful “exclusive” in the MailOnline. Because, as the world burns and we struggle through a horrific cost-of-living crisis, it is apparently news that an 85-year-old, retired man went out for some air on his own balcony.

The story – a cynical write-around for a handful of stalker-level paparazzi shots and a grainy video – is wrapped up in classic tabloid faux-concern for Nicholson’s “welfare”, saying he looks “dishevelled”. I’m going to go ahead and say I’m glad they don’t have a camera on me first thing in the morning. The concern of “unnamed friends” is the last refuge of a clickbaiter. With friends like these, etc…

To be fair, the same publication also wrote a story yesterday blaming the “rise of women” for the “DOWNFALL of Tupperware” [capitalisation theirs], which is obviously demented.

Let me save you the bother of clicking. Other than “man wears t-shirt on own property” the article’s main earth-shattering detail is “you could hear birds”. It is not in line for a Pulitzer.

Twitter has been enraged on Nicholson’s behalf, which is quite right. This is a man who has entertained us for decades, both with some of the greatest performances ever captured on film and one of the last great, bona fide movie stars. He’s earned a bloody rest. He owes you nothing.

Sadly, outrage only spreads the virus further. The Mail cares not whether you’re slagging them off when you retweet the link, as long as you get it in front of more people. Hate clicks count the same, people. So if you want to show your distaste, your best option is to ignore them. Emphasise what it you love instead of what you hate.

With Jack Nicholson this is not hard. So, instead of joining the stalkers to watch a video no one really ever wanted (except perhaps the pap who’s been paid handsomely for being a creep), in which the highlight is “man frowns at idiots”, may I suggest you crack out One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Shining, Batman, Chinatown, The Departed, Mars Attacks!, About Schmidt, Easy Rider, Terms of Endearment or A Few Good Men? You know, any of the movies Nicholson deliberately made.