RTÉ's Sinéad Hussey on the agony of recurrent miscarriages

On January 2 this year, RTÉ's midlands correspondent Sinéad Hussey was relieved to welcome her son Darragh into the world.

Of course, she was elated too, but relief is the overwhelming feeling the mum-of-two remembers about that day because she genuinely feared it would never come.

Sinéad is one of many mums who suffered numerous devastating miscarriages in between the births of her two children Aoibhín in 2017, and Darragh. Until she experienced pregnancy loss, she admits she thought it was just 'one of these things that happen'.

Speaking to the Irish Times, Sinéad said she naively believed that having children was something she could control herself and it was all on her terms.

'I wasn't one of those people who had a plan for how many kids I wanted, I just wanted kids. I was younger and I felt like I had so much time on my side. My mam had a miscarriage and had told us about it. And I just assumed that this is one of these things that happen and I wasn't worried.' she said.

Before Sinéad and her husband Brendan welcomed Aoibhín in September 2017, she suffered two miscarriages. Still, their healthy little girl arrived weighing 10lbs 1oz, and the couple happily settled into a new routine that involved mum and baby groups and swimming classes before Sinéad returned to work.

While she enjoyed maternity leave, she found that it was quite isolating and she was keen to get back to the newsroom.

The thought of a brother or sister for Aoibhín didn't really enter Sinéad's head until her daughter started pleading for a brother or sister, upset that her friends all had one and she didn't. So in 2021, Sinéad and Brendan started trying for another baby.

It was to be three long years and many more miscarriages before the couple welcomed Darragh to the family, and Sinéad admits that if she knew back then what she knows now, she's not sure she'd have been able for the heartbreak.

Sinéad said 'I assumed that when I wanted to have a second baby, there would be no issues. And I think that’s probably the hardest part. It took me completely by surprise that this could happen.

'January 2021 was the start of what happened to be a very long road. I think if I thought then what was ahead of me, I’m not sure I would have been able for it.'

As the pandemic restrictions were in place, she had to attend many of her appointments where she received the devastating news of no heartbeat or a slow heartbeat on her own.

One of her miscarriages happened three days before Christmas and Sinéad felt she just had to get on with things and try to enjoy the festive season for her daughter's sake as much as anything else.

'People say things like "at least you have a child, all is not lost". But when you’re in that zone and you’re desperately trying for a sibling for your child, it’s very difficult.'

As well as the grief, Sinéad's life was taken over by the prospect of getting pregnant, and it's something she feels will take time to get over.

'For the past three years or so I’ve either been pregnant, miscarrying, or recovering from a miscarriage. It’s just been a never-ending circuit of putting your life on hold.

'You’re wondering, "Will I book that holiday because maybe I might be pregnant", or "Maybe I shouldn’t because I don’t want to be flying." And everywhere you turn then, when you’re in that zone, everyone seems to be pregnant and everyone seems to be moving on with their lives.'

Sinéad found out she was pregnant again in April 2023, and spent the next nine months daring to believe it would work out this time. She says she didn't buy any baby clothes until two weeks before Darragh arrived and spent the night before her son was born she spent the night crying.

Sinéad said the moment Aoibhín met her brother made all her anxiety dissipate. 'Her meeting Darragh for the first time was the most magical moment. It’s a moment that I’d been dreaming of, and it was a moment in my head that I just kept focusing on that one day it will happen.'